


Silhouettes up on the wall

by destielwithashotgun



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, Eating Disorders, Homelessness, Hurt Theo Raeken, M/M, Nightmares, Self Harm, The Pack, Theo Raeken Needs a Hug, Torture, Violence, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-19 09:13:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29624001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destielwithashotgun/pseuds/destielwithashotgun
Summary: "Theo is certain that when the Dread Doctors took his heart and replaced it with Tara's, they also took away his ability to feel anything but Pain, Fear, and something undeniably Wicked."ORTheo is lost. He might not find his way again.(Please look at the tags for trigger warnings)
Relationships: Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken, Minor Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski - Relationship, Scott McCall & Theo Raeken, Theo Raeken & The Pack
Comments: 11
Kudos: 119





	Silhouettes up on the wall

**Author's Note:**

> Hello friends! I have been watching and rewatching Teen Wolf for years, and I can't believe I haven't written anything for it yet! Something about Theo really interests me though, so here we are. 
> 
> I will be honest though, I kind of forgot what i was doing halfway through writing, so the quality isn't great lol.

When he was nine years old, Theo Raeken killed his sister. 

This is something he has always known, but somehow, he hasn't felt. Not since watching it happen. Theo is certain that when the Dread Doctors took his heart and replaced it with Tara's, they also took his ability to feel anything but Pain, Fear, and something undeniably Wicked. 

Until Hell, at least. 

In hell, it was all Pain and Fear. And then, the first time Tara looked straight at Theo, two seconds from taking her heart back, he realized. It was like looking in a mirror. The same anger and pain he had felt all his life was reflected in his tormentor. And suddenly, he felt remorse. 

And then Theo clawed his way up through dirt and earth and was hit with everything else, emotions he had suppressed since he had gone to live with doctors. It was a shock to the system. 

But he didn't have time for that. 

Remembering Stiles was the only reason they kept him around. As the town disappeared, the pack had no choice but to ask Theo for help. And Theo could have walked away, could have left them behind now that the sword was broken, but something was keeping him there. 

He ended up in a hospital with Scott's blue eyed beta. 

Liam wanted to join the dead bodies in the morgue. Theo wanted to throw up. 

They didn't end up hiding. 

Somehow, during the fight, Theo realized that he didn't want Liam to get hurt. He wasn't sure why. But, on instinct, he threw the kid in the elevator. Liam looked up at him from the ground, confusion in his eyes, and asked what Theo was doing. 

'I don't know,' Theo thought to himself. 

He grinned wolfishly. "Being the Bait." 

After that, he wasn't sure what he was to Scott's pack. Not an ally, of course, and definitely not a friend. But he wasn't exactly an enemy, not anymore. Nobody tried to kill him, or put him back in the ground (though Malia certainly wanted too). They mostly just...left him alone. Which was fine. Theo was used to being alone. 

He had Scott's phone number though. And Scott...sometimes Scott updated him on Pack stuff, if he thought it was important. Theo didn't usually reply, but Scott didn't stop with the texts. It was interesting. 

Of course, then Scott texted him about insects, like the spider that had crawled under Theo's skin. And everything went to shit again. (This time, he and Liam both ended up in the elevator. Theo tried to pretend he wasn't feeling something warm in his chest when he talked to the beta.)

****

Living in his truck meant that Theo had no money. No money meant no food. No food? That meant Theo was hungry. 

When he had lived with the Dread Doctors, they calculated exactly what he would need with the metabolism of a chimera, and they gave it to him in the form of gray paste that Theo learned to eat without complaint. 

When he was 12 years old, they decided to do an experiment to see how long he could last without food. 

His heart started giving out on the 13th day. 

Theo knew what it was like to be hungry. This time, he pretended he wasn't. 

That being said, he needed a job. Something that could get him by, maybe earn himself a way out of Beacon Hills. At the very least, he needed money for gas. With the cops knocking on his window nearly every night, he used more gas finding a new place to sleep than he ever did trying to get somewhere. 

Nobody every needed him anywhere. 

On a Saturday, Theo went searching for a job. Some of the townsfolk new who and what he was, and were wary. Other's didn't seem to care. At least the Anuk-ite being gone meant that nobody was scared enough to pull a gun on him, but finding a job was harder than he had hoped. Part of that had to do with the fact that he didn't have an address to put down on the paperwork. 

Halfway through the day, Theo thought about stopping. 

If he had no money, he truly would waste away. And somehow, that wasn't the worst thing he could think about. It was what he deserved, wasn't it? 

He stopped thinking about it when he smelled the familiar scents of some of Scott's pack. He had them memorized by now. It was the best way to avoid them. 

Scott was chocolate chip cookies and vanilla candles and a little bit of the sea. Stiles was Pine and Mint, and something sharp and electric, like lightning. If Theo hadn't known any better, he would have said it was the scent of magic. But Stiles wasn't a mage or a druid or a faerie. He was just electric. 

Liam was calmer. Cinnamon and Lemon and Honey. Theo actually enjoyed Liam's scent. 

He had learned how to hide his own. 

Glancing around for an escape, he caught sight of a small bookstore on his right. The lights were on inside, though he didn't see anyone else. He took his chances, ducking inside before he could be seen by the Pack. 

The place smelled like woodsmoke and paper. Theo stopped for a minute, trying to calm himself down. And then he heard the voice. 

It was strange he hadn't heard the heartbeat behind him. The old women at the counter on her own. 

"Can I help you?" She asked. She didn't look scared, just curious. Theo wondered if she knew about what had gone down in Beacon Hills just months before. Some people still had no idea about the supernatural side of the town. 

Theo checked her chemosignals. Nothing but contended curiosity. 

"Uh," he replied, cursing himself. He was usually much smoother. "Are you hiring?" 

The old lady tilted her head. "Not right now. Are you looking for a job?" 

Theo didn't answer, just turned back toward the door. "That's fine. I'll go-"

He doesn't know what made her call back out to him. Maybe the way he had turned around, though he was sure he had masked his disappointment. Maybe it was the dark circles under his eyes, evidence of many sleepless nights. Or the way his clothes hung off him awkwardly. Whatever it was she saw, Theo was probably lucky. 

"Wait," she said. "I could use somebody here in the afternoons. It would give me a chance to visit my children." 

And just like that, Theo had a job.

***

Theo thought maybe he was proud of being able to ignore his hunger. It was a skill, he thought. Telling himself he wasn't hungry. But every time he had a little extra money on hand, he didn't want to buy food. 

(Some part of him said he didn't deserve it. The other part said he would benefit from using the money for other things.)

(And also, he usually felt too sick.) 

Chimera metabolism meant that Theo was getting thinner at a slightly alarming rate. Not that he really cared. Not that anyone did. 

It also might have been because Theo threw up, often. 

It was the nightmares. They were constant. Every single night, sometimes multiple times a night. Usually they were consistent. Tara, chasing him down long dark hallways to rip her heart out of his chest over and over again. Theo relived his own personal hell every night. 

Sometimes they were worse. Once, Theo dreamed of Liam, coughing blood and crumbling to the ground where Theo couldn't save him. 

And then Theo dreamed of Tara ripping his chest open, and forcing her heart down his throat. The first time it happened, Theo jolted awake and ripped open the car door to empty his stomach on the asphalt. All that came up was dark, shitty gas station coffee. 

That nightmare followed him around every day after that. Sometimes if Theo thought about it too hard, he made himself sick again. A part of him wondered if he was doing it on purpose. He ignored that thought. 

(Still, he knew he had to punish himself some way. And why not pair it with something he finally had control over. Food.) 

Vomiting while there's nothing in your stomach is a painful experience. Not painful enough. 

Theo woke himself up now, developing a routine. The nightmare played out. Theo woke up, vomited, and dug his own claws into the palms of his hands to calm down. The pain was a good distraction. 

His chest always ached afterwards. Sometimes, he thought about clawing that open too. 

***

As much as he tried to avoid the pack, Beacon Hills was a small town. 

He ran into Stiles at the gas station. Stiles ran his eyes over Theo, brow furrowed, and then nodded at him. Stiles had good reason to hate Theo. Theo took the nod as a sign that he was doing something right, punishing himself the right way. 

He saw Scott at the diner once. He had extra money and wanted coffee that wasn't as crappy as gas station sludge. Scott was picking up food at the counter. He paused when he saw Theo. 

"Theo," he said. "I wasn't sure you were still here." 

Theo shrugged. "Don't have another place to be." Scott sort of nodded, and looked at Theo almost the same way Stiles had at the gas station. 

"Do you...do you want to have dinner with me and my mom?" 

Theo was immediately surprised. Why would Scott ever offer to bring Theo into his home? He had killed Scott, torn his friendship with Stiles apart. Melissa hated him. He decided it had to be a trick. 

"No, Scott, uh, thanks." How the hell was he supposed to respond to that? Except then Scott only looked more concerned. 

"Are you sure?" He hesitated. "Theo...you look-" Theo cut him off. 

"Thanks for the offer, but I have to go." He didn't even get his coffee on the way out the door. 

And then there was Liam and Mason and Corey. 

They didn't even notice him at first when they walked into the bookstore. Theo froze on instinct, waiting until they saw him. Liam turned his head slightly, and Theo braced himself for a glare. Instead, Liam met his eyes and Beamed. 

"Theo!" he said. Mason and Corey looked over, but didn't follow as Liam bounded over to the front desk like an overexcited puppy. 

Theo had no idea what was happening. 

"Hi, Liam," he said haltingly. Liam's smile didn't fade. 

"I didn't know you worked here!" 

"Just got the job," Theo mumbled. 

Mason and Corey decided to walk through the aisles of books, but Liam stayed where he was. His expression finally changed, but Theo couldn't read it. 

"I didn't even know you were still in Beacon Hills, actually." He frowned. "Why didn't you call us or something?" 

Theo didn't even know what to say to that. Did Liam have any reason to like him? He had nearly torn the McCall pack apart. And yet the blue eyed beta looked so disappointed, and Theo didn't want to make it worse. Some part of him recognized that he...didn't hate Liam. 

"I don't have your phone number," he replied. Of course, then Liam wouldn't relent until Theo let him plug his number into his phone. 

The three boys left, Mason and Corey shooting odd glances at Theo over their shoulders. Theo thought about hurting Liam the same way he hurt Tara, imagining both of them working together to rip his heart out, and had to go throw up. 

Later that night, Liam texted him. 

The message went unseen, because Theo's phone was lying in a pool of blood in the backseat of his truck.

****

The hunters took Theo at night. Theo was trying to sleep. And then he was bleeding out from multiple gunshot wounds and he hadn't realized how Weak he was before he was trying to fight back. 

They knocked him out easily. It was almost Pathetic. 

When he woke up, it was the same thing as it always was. A metal fence, ice cold water, and electricity. This time though, they hunters added in a few knives, some wolfsbane, and even some mistletoe. 

Theo had been through hell. This? This was barely halfway there. All he had to do was imagine he was with the Dread Doctors again. 

After all, Theo had learned a long time ago that his body was never truly his. 

****

For some reason, the pack came for him. 

Theo had spent the entire day dry heaving, pausing only to gasp when they sent voltage through his body. There was blood on his face, he was pretty sure. And they had spent extra time carving something in his stomach the day before. 

Chimera's healed slower than wolves, but this was different. This time, Theo couldn't heal. He was weak. He was hurt. And he was just too Tired. 

Part of him wanted to throw up. That felt like his thing, something the hunters hadn't forced out of him. That would feel like Control. But there was nothing in his stomach. At least not until they forced mistletoe down his throat. 

Theo felt that poison spreading through his blood, being pumped through Tara's heart, and he knew. This was it. And he wasn't exactly upset about it. But he was sad for Anne at the bookstore, who would need to find a new employee in the afternoons. 

He was half asleep when the hunters panicked. Only a minute later, they were dead. 

Theo didn't realize his eyes were closed until he felt hands on him, his chin and his wrists. Somebody tilted his head up. Theo tried to open his eyes, but it was no use. At least somebody unshackled him so he didn't die a prisoner. 

"HEY!" Somebody was yelling in his ear. Was that voice familiar? 

Now there were multiple voices, all talking over each other and blurring together. Theo was lifted off the ground, pressed against someone's chest. They smelled like gunpowder. 

"Stay with us Theo," that voice said again. Theo desperately tried to remember who it was. All he could think of was Blue Eyes. 

He's pretty sure he lost time. At some point, he feels the swaying of a car underneath him. And then he gets carried again, into a room that smells like antiseptic. More voices now, talking urgently. 

Theo forces his eyes open for a second. He's pretty sure he recognizes Melissa McCall standing over him, pushing his shoulder's down. She is muttering quiet words in his ear. Theo doesn't understand them. 

Something rushes up his throat and he chokes. Somebody turns his head to the side as he vomits, and only then does he realize he's in Deaton's clinic. The man himself is at Theo's head. 

Theo thinks he vomits silver, but he might be imagining it. The next thing he sees is a giant needle, and then suddenly everything disappears.

*****

He wakes up sore. Head pounding, muscles aching, stomach roiling. And he's on a metal table, which is strange enough on its own before he turns his head and finds Liam Dunbar next to him. 

"Liam?" he asks. His voice is scratchy, but Liam shoots up right away. His eyes are wide. 

"Theo! You're awake, thank god! I'll get Melissa." 

"Wait, no, Liam wait. Tell me what happened first." Theo is incredibly thirsty. He's exhausted and in pain. But he also needs to know how he got there. And Liam explains it all. 

According to the beta, Scott heard Theo howl when he was taken by hunters. (Theo doesn't even remember howling.) From there they found Theo's truck, covered in blood. And that started a search party that involved the entire pack, including Stiles and Malia and Derek Hale. 

"And then Stiles used some sort of tracking spell to find you," Liam is saying, and Theo stopped him. 

"Spell?" 

Liam looks flustered. "He's...well, he's something. A spark I think. But him and Derek are figuring it out together and I don't really know what it means." 

Theo wonders about Stiles and Derek, and suddenly he's asleep again. He's lucky. Tara does not visit him this time. 

When he wakes up, he is lectured. From Scott, from Deaton, from Chris Argent for some reason, and from Melissa. 

The basics are that he was malnourished and injured, and he nearly didn't make it. This does not disturb Theo as much as it should. The others seem to notice. They have also noticed that he is living in his car. 

"You're coming home with me," Melissa says. "And that's not an option." 

Theo doesn't like that, thinks he would rather stay in his truck and avoid everyone again, but at the moment he is tired and sore and hurting. At the moment, he feels safe enough to close his eyes. 

He falls asleep with his wrist against Liam's palm, as the other boy siphons his pain.


End file.
